Very true words...

As you all know, at Ash's we buy and sell second hand books too. I receive books on a daily basis, and today someone dropped off their Bryce Courtenay hardbacks. For this first time I had a good look at his books and three of the 'backs' caught my eye...

"In the heartwood of the sacred persimmon tree is ebony, the hardest, most beautiful of all woods. This is a symbol of life, a heartwood that will outlast everything man can make, a core within that, come what may, cannot be broken and represents our inner strength and divine spirit"
- Persimmon Tree

"I'm my experience, friendship is the companion that walks beside love and is often the more enduring of the two. Friendship of the deep and abiding kind, unshakable and unconditional"
- Brother Fish

"Look up, up...up there, at the midnight sky. At the game of chance within the firmament Saturn's rings, mooned Jupiter, planet Mars. All yours if you hoist ambition's sails and set a galactic course, then cast a wide-flung net to fish for the brightest stars in all creation"
- Fishing for Stars

Wanted to share that with whoever is reading this blog....


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Ek mis...

Ek hou nou al 'n hele paar weke hierdie gevoelens binne my, en hoe ek dit kan regmaak of dit net als kan los, en 'n manier kan kry om aan te beweeg. Daai hoofstuk dalk net toe te maak?

Want dit maak my so ongelukkig en hartseer.

Ons deel absoluut niks meer nie, praat dalk een keer 'n week met mekaar, baklei net, en die negatiewe dinge gaan maar net aan.

Ek gesels meer met my kliente oor dinge as met haar. Dit voel asof hulle meer belang stel.

Ja, miskien is ek maar redelik kinderagtig en 'jannie-jammer-gat, maar ek weet nie meer nie. Verstaan?

Maar? ('N groot maar), 90% van hierdie hele affere is my skuld.

Nou het sy 'n special mens in haar lewe. Iemand wat haar gelukkig maak, en saam met haar nuwe blyplek, gaan sy woes gelukkig wees, ek gun haar dit, regtig ek doen.

Ok, dis al wat ek wou se...

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And...

Its just flippen awesome, when you're still on antibiotics, for pain and inflammation and the pain is back. How does that work?

Its so sore, and constant, you know?

I so wish that the doctor was not on retirement, the only one that seemed to know how to fix this.


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Today...

Today is the day that the Lord made! I'm thankful this morning for so many things in my life! Yes, I have a few heart's desires, and I believe God will give it to me if I keep on praying for them.

I've been up since 4am. My body feels better for the first time in weeks, its nice to be able to do things so early in the day. I'm on my way to the shop, where I believe I will make some money today, to cover that outstanding rent! So hold thumbs?

I'm going to rescue the frog in our pool now, and then the day can begin. Maybe I can kiss him and he'll turn into a prince? Ja, well...

D, I miss you - a lot!


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Hoekom?

Ek kan alweer nie slaap nie! Ek word so kwaad vir myself, want ek kan ook nie meer die pyn vat nie!!

En nog 'n ding?

Ek is klaar probeer, ek gaan nie meer probeer nie. Ek het, maar nou is ek klaar. Dit maak net meer en meer seer en dis nie reg nie.



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Today...

I watched this movie today, called 'A little bit of heaven'. Cried my eyes out like usual. It just showed me again how short life is, you know? We must take all the love we have in our hearts, minds and bodies, and give it to the people in our lives, the ones we care for. The ones we want to share our lives with for as long as possible.

It feels like the meds are working. Can't believe that stupid pain is back. If I feel like this tomorrow, I will have to go see the doctor, and believe me, I really don't want to!

Ash's is doing so well the past few weeks. Maybe, just maybe I can walk away with no arrears on the rent. But, I'm patiently waiting for the way forward, where God wants me to go. I left this decision in His capable hands, and I'm working hard until I get an answer.

My sister is so unhappy again, hurt again. If that man and woman can just stop with their 'brainwashing'! I wish they can just stop for five minutes to think what they are doing to a little boy and his Mom! God, please help? This is not right, please?


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Realised...

I just realised what my friend told me on the weekend...

It took me two full days to try and figure it out, now I did, after replaying the whole thing over and over.

You're right! I'm selfish, obsessed with myself, childish and so much more, sorry I hurt you, it was never my intention. You were always there for me, and helped me through difficult times. Wish I could have done the same for you...




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Eerste dinge eerste...

EERSTE DINGE EERSTE

Wat gaan jy doen met die nuwe dag? God laat die keuse oor aan jou, Hy kyk na jou en Hy wag.

Dit is die dag wat die Here gemaak het, laat ons daaroor juig en bly wees. Psalm 118:24

GEDAGTE: Sorg dat jou prioriteite vandag en elke dag reg en gesond bly. Stel eerste dinge altyd eerste.

GEBED: God, skenk my die kalmte van gees om te aanvaar wat ek nie kan verander nie; die moed om dit te verander wat kan, en die wysheid om die verskil te ken. Leer my om een dag op n slag te lewe. Oortuig my dat swaarkry dikwels tot diepe vrede lei, en dat U genade n geskenk is en nie n loon nie. Help my om die wereld te aanvaar soos dit is, nie soos ek dit graag sou wou he nie. Versterk my met die hoop dat U eendag alles sal regmaak. Amen


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Liefde...

Ek het gelees dat 'liefde' 'n werkwoord is. Dat dit eintlik nie net 'n gevoel is nie...

Dis seker hoekom soveel huwelike en vriendskappe opbreek deesdae, want mense wil nie die 'liefde' werk meer doen nie. Daars nie tyd vir mense nie, mense deel nie meer wat in hul diepste binneste worstel en kook nie. Dat jy voel asof jy pla as jy graag met daardie persoon/e wil praat, dinge wil deel. Dat 'n mens die pot mis sit as jy dink jy ken iemand, en dan voel dit asof jou 'liefde' werk net vir niks was nie.

Ek dink deesdae baie aan oud word en dood gaan. Daar is absoluut niks wat 'n mens aan enig van die twee kan doen nie. Altwee hierdie dinge is so finaal. Dis seker ook waar die 'liefde' as werkwoord inkom. Wie gaan saam met jou hierdie pad, wat Jesus vir ons gegee het, stap? Dan is die antwoord seker die mense wat jou liefhet en liefde gee, en vir wie ek self sal probeer berge versit?

Dan is daar die lag en huil. Ek weet nie eintlik watter een van die twee ek 'voel' nie, maar ek is bang as ek gaan los trek met een van die twee, dat ek dit gaan doen sonder ophou, want dis soos 'n histerie wat binne-in my vassit. Trane maak niks reg nie, maar ek dink daai kant wen so net-net.

Ek wil nou nie he dat iemand my moet 'Jannie-Jammer-Gat' nie, maar ek is eintlik 'n vieslike persoon, weet jy? Dis maar net hoe ek dit sien. My 'liefde' as werkwoord is lank al opgedroog en ek dink 'the damage is done'. En eintlik het ek so vreeslik baie van altwee 'liefdes' binne-in my om te gee!

Here, help my asseblief met 'n bietjie reen op my uitgedroogte liefde en 'liefde'? Ek wil nie die mense vir wie ek lief het verloor omdat my 'liefde-werkwoord' so min is nie? Amen...

Die vraag sal altyd bly: Is dit te laat?


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True?

"For a short time I believed in 'happy ever afters', then I realized I've been stupid for a long time"


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Yes, well...

I can't believe the weekend is coming to a close again, not that I have weekends, so by the way. My weekends are normal working days, but I can't complain, because I chose this bookshop. At least a friend promised me a day off this week, can't wait for the break.

I've done thirteen baby blankets so far, and funny enough I still enjoy making them. What was a little hobby to pass time at the shop, became a small sideline for me to make some extra money. I'm working on three at the same time at the moment, and I realized its a bit much!

My sister's court case is coming up on Friday, and she is a nervous wreck, I wish there was something I could do to help her ease the worry? My heart tells me all will be perfect, we have a good God.

The 'long hair' battle is driving me nuts! Don't know if I will be able to see this through, but time will tell, I'm sure.

Spring arrived! Thank goodness for that. I'm not build for winter...

I miss D - yes I still do.

Have a good week everyone xxx





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