'No Subject'

Its very frustrating, really!
Grrrr, Urgh, Grrrrr....

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Challenges...

In future, I'm going to keep my big mouth shut! I have this ability to say things and then all hell breaks loose...or not such a major 'explosion', but more or less a simmer!

And its the 'simmers' that's even worse than all the other things.

So? Here is another challenge for me...
And that's maybe more difficult than giving up Ash's..


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Gevoelens...

My gemoed is so op en af deesdae. Seker omdat ek by hierdie doodloopstraat gekom het, en dit voel asof ek stoot en stamp teen 'n soliede muur.

Ek glo nie die mense om my verstaan dat ek regtig probeer om beter te lyk en voel nie. En ek probeer regtig hard. Dis net dat ek so moedeloos is, dat dit voel asof ek om en om loop en elke keer terugkom by 'wat nou'. Die laaste ding wat ek wil he is dat mense saam my in hierdie gat moet sit.

Glo my as ek se dat ek ook weer wil lag, weer wil hoop, weer wil droom...


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Wise words...

"There are three things that may not be broken: Promises, friendships and hearts"


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I want...

To just feel better! This flu crap is not for me! Its been days and I'm just not getting rid of it...

I'm scared...really scared too.

My future feels so uncertain?


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Opgee?

My hart is stukkend...en ek weet nie wat om te doen nie.

My familie het gisteraand met my gepraat oor die winkel, en hulle dink ek moet dit opgee.

Alles wat ek het is in daai winkel, elke liewe sent wat ek het. Dit maak my so seer om te weet dat dit seker maar die enigste opsie vir my is.

Here, asb help my, ek is op my kniee, wat moet ek doen?


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Nie lekker nie...

Flip it ek voel siek! As dit nie flippen RA is wat my laat kak voel nie, is dit nou verkoue!

Kan ek asseblief net 'n gap kry?!


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Happy Birthday...

Ash's is one year old today!

Thank You God for this tuff, but good year!

Please be with us for the next one?

Amen!

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Grrrrrr

This waking up in the middle of the night, is really getting ridiculous now. Really pathetic.

I wonder what it feels like to sleep for 8 or 9 hours straight...


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FB updates...

"Too many people go through life running from something that is never after them"


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Maaikie...

So baie dinge het in die afgelope drie jaar gebeur, wat ons saam deurgemaak het. Ek sit seker nou al 'n rukkie en dink daaraan. Snaaks hoe al die goed terugkom na jou toe, as dit voel asof dinge nie so lekker gaan nie, ne?

Ek onthou hoe ek geworry het oor jou toe jy nog gesny het. Dit was vir my so unreal dat ek iemand ken wat so iets doen, dat ek meeste van die tyd net gedink het dis deel van 'n movie. Maar jy het daar deur gekom, en ek wil net vir jou se, eks bly jy het. Jy is nie meer afhanklik nie, en jy het soveel gegroei. En dis nice, rerig nice...

Dan is daar die aand wat ek saam jou op jou bed gele het in die kominne, die aand wat my sussie so vreeslik kwaad was vir my. Die aand wat jy my vertel het van jou Pa, en wat hy gedoen het. Daar het ek gele en luister na dinge, wat ek toe nog net gedink het gebeur met ander mense. In boeke, nie dinge wat gebeur het met mense wat ek ken nie.

Stories wat jy my vertel het van Duitsland, en die man van jou drome. Van toe jy in die polisie was, en die mense wat so belangrik in jou lewe is. En mense wat so hard en skielik uit jou lewe geruk was.

Ek dink ook oor hoe ons aande lank gesit het en planne gemaak het vir Ash's. Die aande wat ons boeke moes prys en die aande wat ons net gesit het en niks gese het nie.

Die dae wat ons saam gehuil het, en ook die dae wat ons oneindig lank kon lag.

Ag, daar is nog so baie goed wat ek wil se, maar dit gaan 'n paar blogs vat om dit te doen....

Ek is jammer ek lag nie meer nie, maar die lewe druk bietjie hard op hierdie stadium. Ek is jammer as ek jou planne en dinge afskiet sonder om eers daaroor na te dink. Ek is jammer dat ek nie meer soveel fun is nie. Ek is jammer as ek nie altyd luister as jy praat nie. Ek is jammer dat jy moes seer kry, nie net deur my nie, maar deur ander.

Ek wil net so vreeslik graag weer my vriendin terug he, die een wat alles met my deel, al is dit 'n pot bollie.

Ek is bly jy het ander vriende ontmoet, en dat jy hulle geselskap geniet, dis belangrik om balans te he.

Maar ek wil jou nie verloor nie. Ek wil net so vreeslik graag weer my maaikie terug he...

Dis al wat ek wou se vanaand....

Oor en uit!

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Honey and Cinnamon...

Now they say that honey and cinnamon will be the cure for my RA...So I have this pretty awful stuff I drink before bed at night, and as soon as I open my eyes in the mornings.

Funny, how the brain works though, this morning I wake up with absolutely no pain! I rush to my sister's room, and shares this news with her, and then?

I got excited way to soon! My body pains - again!

But I'm gonna give it a try for a month or so, just to see, who knows maybe it works? Apparently its good for weightloss too? So maybe I will find a cure for RA and F.A.T? :)

Last but not least...I made a decision today. I'm giving the shop another two months, if it doesn't go better, I'm off job hunting.

It breaks my heart to say this, and to give it a time-line, but I will pray for an answer....


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My day off...

Having a smoke on the stoep...My body is tired after a busy day. The house is clean, the ironing done! So when I get home after work tomorrow, there's nothing to do, except spent time in front of the TV for a change. Can't remember the last time I did some channel hopping...

Maybe I must catch a movie rather? Want to watch 'Wrath of the Titans' - they say its good, and I like that type of movies...But I will leave that for tomorrow and decide then?

Now I'm going to soak in a nice hot bath and watch a movie...seems like that's what is on my mind? Watching movies? Funny....

I spent time with the family today, washing cars. It was good...

Seems like I'm blogging a load of nothing, ja?

I miss mein freund!

Thank You Lord Jesus for dying on the cross for me and my loved ones! I did not forget what this day means...

Oor en uit!


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To sleep or not to sleep...

The house is quiet....The little man and his Mom is off in dreamland. So I ask myself, should I do that too?

Maybe...

The wind is howling outside, funny for this time of the year, so I assume its bringing either rain or cold. The first one is a better option for me.

I have this 'dry spell' what reading is concerned, so I can't even get myself to start reading one of the five books looking at me from my bookshelve.

Easter is here tomorrow...But I think we should maybe have less chocolate and more 'giving thanks' to Jesus for dying for our sins!

Have a good Easter...

God Bless!


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Winter and other things...

Yes, I think winter arrived with a bang. Its cold this morning, and the nights are colder too. Had to take out the blankets last night. I'm not looking forward to this season, its gonna be a cold one.

Ek is bekommerd oor baie dinge. My vriendin se hart is seer, maar sy praat nie daaroor nie. Miskien is dit omdat sy, soos ek, nie weet hoekom die dinge gebeur het nie? Dit is seer as 'n persoon so uit jou lewe geruk word, nie deur die dood nie, maar vir onverstaanbare redes. Ek kan maar net hoop en bid dat hulle sal besef wat gebeur het en dit probeer regmaak. Dat ons Liewe Vader hulle oe sal oopmaak en die stukkende dinge kan fix.

Ek het wakker geword met 'n song in my kop vanoggend, jip, en dis heel gepas. 'Gee vir haar 'n pleister vir haar hart'

Business is picking up, I would have made target if it weren't for the bad February. I'm trying to get some money to save, but I'm still playing 'catch-up'. What I'm gonna do? I don't know yet. But I will be positive! Nobody said it will be easy...

Ash's will be turning 1 on 16 April!

Ek het 'n kopseer, iets knyp in my rug vas en ek het nie geld nie... Dis nogal 'n tipiese blou Maandag. Maar ek glo en vertrou dinge gaan beter word, met my geld, my besigheid, my vriende en ook my familie.

God is in control, and I believe things will be better in no time!

Amen!




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