Yes, here I go again. Blogging when I feel so depressed and down, when life is pressing down on me in a bad way. I know I need to focus on the positive in life. To rather blog about the good, not the bad.
It all started with my friend and my mother having a show-down of a fight at my nephew’s school. My Mom was wrong to react the way she did, with going into ‘stilstuipe’ and my friend being her untactful self. Then of course both of them thinking they did nothing wrong. With one of them overreacting and the other one I-am-right-so-in-your-face attitude. Now I am sitting in the middle of this all. Look my Mom was wrong to start ignoring her and she was wrong treating or saying it the way she did. The funny thing is that it was about a stupid song that played! Really?? Real friends are few and far between, to find true friends are not easy. Where we all stand today is hard to say. Will things be okay, will my friend keep on staying away because of my Mom? Will my Mom get over herself? To be honest? At this stage I just don’t care. Life is too short for this type of situations. I’ve been trying to talk to my Mom about her short fuse and about her forgiving and forgetting and her way of dealing with things that she dislikes. But that is like talking to a wall. I can’t do that no more. About my friend? I knew this blow-out was building up. My Mom and sister asking her to stop swearing in front of my nephew and other friends. About her trying to be more tactful. She is a wonderful friend. She is caring and we can rely on her. And I believe she can rely on us. Or I hope she knows she can. What I can’t stand is the lies. Today saying this, after you said something completely opposite yesterday. Why? Can’t we just all get along? Enjoy each other’s company? I’m sure we also do things that she dislikes. Why get upset about it? I really don’t know. It is not necessary to complicate, uncomplicated things.
I crave being happy. I want to have friends in my life, real friends. Someone to talk to, to share things and events with. Not to have strife. To ensure my nephew is happy and comfortable in his home. So he can have friends and enjoy growing up. For my sister to relax more and work less. For her to stop trying to change the world. For her to be real happy. For my Mom to find peace and happiness. For her to stop being so negative and angry all the time. For her to see the good in people, not only the bad. I want to fix my broken friendships. I am lonely and I don’t like it, but I will not sell my soul and throw away my values and morals for it. I want to be better. I want other people to see I am a child of Jesus…
Today I am just trying to make sense of it all.
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