Sometimes its a good thing to have a good hard cry in the shower, where its only you and your tears and frustrations and hurt. When you are done you have a terrible headache and you feel drained. Not that you feel any better. Not that your negative thoughts and feelings are gone or miraculousy gone.
Its been a hard year. Where you see people you love change and hurt. A year with hearing of death and retrencement and lying and cheating. Of fighting and hurting. Of trying to change your circumstances and worries of money and illness.
My blog must be the only place where i can truly say what i feel, because i dont want to sound like a nag and a pessimist. Where i can say that i am scared. Scared of my hands and body losing more function. Scared of losing my people. Scared of illness and losing hope.
I feel sad today. And i believe we may feel this way sometimes.
My friend is keeping stuff from me. Things that are messing with her head and heart. I know there is much more than what she is sharing and really saying. Its changing her. What to do? Wait...yes. maybe she will find it in her to talk to me and to talk to me. Really talk. About everything. Not only work, but the real stuff. The stuff that makes us human.
My job is boring. I feel incompetent and dumb. I feel useless.
I worry so much about my family. My Mom is angry most of the time and i dont know why. She cries and fight and lock herself away. All i want to do is hold her and tell her that everything will be ok.
My sister works hard. She is the strong one. The one that i can rely on every single day. She can be a bit hard sometimes and that scares me. I love her so very much. She is my rock.
Then we have this little eight year old boy that is like glue.. he keeps us together. He makes us laugh and happy. Yes he also makes us worry. But i love him so very much.
But...
I am thankful. I am grateful. I have hope. My Lord is an awesome God. He will provide. He will bless us until all eternity. I have my family and friends. I have a job. I have hope. I said that already?
Im sorry i am such a mess today...time to get over this. Really....
Its been a hard year. Where you see people you love change and hurt. A year with hearing of death and retrencement and lying and cheating. Of fighting and hurting. Of trying to change your circumstances and worries of money and illness.
My blog must be the only place where i can truly say what i feel, because i dont want to sound like a nag and a pessimist. Where i can say that i am scared. Scared of my hands and body losing more function. Scared of losing my people. Scared of illness and losing hope.
I feel sad today. And i believe we may feel this way sometimes.
My friend is keeping stuff from me. Things that are messing with her head and heart. I know there is much more than what she is sharing and really saying. Its changing her. What to do? Wait...yes. maybe she will find it in her to talk to me and to talk to me. Really talk. About everything. Not only work, but the real stuff. The stuff that makes us human.
My job is boring. I feel incompetent and dumb. I feel useless.
I worry so much about my family. My Mom is angry most of the time and i dont know why. She cries and fight and lock herself away. All i want to do is hold her and tell her that everything will be ok.
My sister works hard. She is the strong one. The one that i can rely on every single day. She can be a bit hard sometimes and that scares me. I love her so very much. She is my rock.
Then we have this little eight year old boy that is like glue.. he keeps us together. He makes us laugh and happy. Yes he also makes us worry. But i love him so very much.
But...
I am thankful. I am grateful. I have hope. My Lord is an awesome God. He will provide. He will bless us until all eternity. I have my family and friends. I have a job. I have hope. I said that already?
Im sorry i am such a mess today...time to get over this. Really....
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