How to get rid of...

As soon as I start thinking things are turning a bit towards the positive side, I get knocked back a few, or a lot. It is as if things and people around me just keep going and moving and I am used as a stepping stone. Life in general feels like I am breathing and I am 'here' but that is about that for me.

Why is it that other people are always ahead in this game? At work they do the bare minimum and always get the better options or the better duties. Why is it that I work my ass off and get nowhere? The worst of all is the attitude I get back. The look-at-me I win again. I am so very unhappy in my job. What would it be like to just get a Well Done once in a while? To be asked for an opinion? Not to be taken for granted?

But when the shit hits the fan I am the one that is the "senior" person. The one that takes the hit?

I am so very unhappy!

 

 

Kind regards,

 

Natasha van der Walt

Sales

Tel: +27 11 964 2302/3

Alt: +72 716 8538

Fax: 086 570 3713

e-mail: natasha.vdwalt@eggsperteggs.co.za

 

 

 

Kind regards,

 

Natasha van der Walt

Sales

Tel: +27 11 964 2302/3

Alt: +72 716 8538

Fax: 086 570 3713

e-mail: natasha.vdwalt@eggsperteggs.co.za

 

2017...

Welcome to a new year with new challenges, hopes and dreams. In God I believe that it will be another good one.

I did not end last year on a good note, I went to bed with my sister not talking to me. And again it was all my doing. Why? Because I am scared she gets used and hurt. I need to let it go. I really do. She said she is in control and that she knows how she feels...so if it is true then I must stop. It is not worth it to loose my sister over this. If she is happy I must accept what it is. I think I am selfish. I also think she derserve much better.

I truly hope she will talk to me when she wakes up this morning...but I don't think she will. Maybe I do deserve the cold and silent shoulder treatment.

A few things for me to do in this new year. I must smoke less (or maybe it is time to stop smoking). I want to build my relationships with the people I know (not that that started off well). I want to know God. Better and better. I need to try and loose weight. Sounds a lot like the same old same old new year resolutions. But I am going to try them....and I need to make them stick.

I truly love my family and friends deeply. They deserve to be happy. They deserve to be themselves. Not what I want them to be.

Please God...help me to be better? Please? Please help me to accept?

Respect...

My thought for the week reads as follow:

 

“We don’t always have to agree with one another, but it’s important that we learn to respect one another”

 

That made me think…

 

I think that is what is wrong in life in general.  People don’t care how they treat one another, what they say, how they say it and how they react.  I’m also part of the ‘people’, believe me.  No one is perfect, but we can try.  I’m not saying we are  not entitled to our own opinions about things, but why is it so difficult to think before we speak or react?  I believe there are ways and means to give your opinion without hurting people.  It is not your way or no way.  It is not take it or leave it.  It is not stuff the people I am the people.  Guess what?  We can have the best (or think that we do), but what we think are the ‘best’ for us, is not the best for the next person.  It is ok that they have their own ‘the best’, and that I have  my own ‘the best’.  Does that make sense?  For me it does.  It is all about that one little word – RESPECT! 

 

That is why there are so many broken people and relationships out there.  Just because the person next to you don’t like the colour of your car, or that I have the best shoes!  Come on man!  Can we please have some respect for one another?  Can we stop damaging other people’s ‘things’? Can we stop forcing people to like what we like, or else?  Can we all just try a little harder to take the person next to us in consideration?

 

I’m talking to myself as well today.  Today is the day that I will bite back that rude word, that negative thought, that bad opinion.  I will try to stop hurting with words, and I will rather try to find the right words, the right actions.  And if I really can’t find the right way to do it, I will rather keep quiet.

 

I will respect – even if I have to cringe inside….

 

 

 

 

Vir S...

Dis nou al 'n paar maande wat ons nie meer vriende is nie. Snaaks hoe mens die woorde en dinge wat gelei het tot die einde van ons vriendskap, oor en oor in my gedagtes bly. Dit sou beter gewees het as ek net die lelik kan onthou, maar ek doen nie.

Ek onthou meer die goed en dit wat ons gehad het as die sleg.

Vanoggend het ek na 'n preek op die radio geluister en dit het my weer laat dink aan jou. Dit het gegaan oor verhoudings en dat ons nie net altyd seerkry nie, maar ons maak ook seer. Ek dink ons vergeet dit soms. Dit is hoekom ek nou hier sit en blog, want ek kan dit nie vir jou direk vertel nie, nie omdat ek nie die moed het om jou te kontak nie, seker maar omdat ek te veel trots het of dat ek net plain hardegat is of dalk omdat ek bang is om dismiss te word - wie weet?

Ek moes daai dag gese het wat ek het, want dit het my woes gepla. Ek gaan nie nou als herhaal en weer probeer verduidelik hoekom ek dit gedoen het nie. Dis nie die doel nie en dis ook nie die hoekom nie.

Weet jy wat maak seer en wat maak dit so moeilik?

Dat ek weet wat ander mense jou aangedoen het. Hoe hulle jou gebreek het. Hoe hulle jou fisies en emosioneel seergemaak het. Hoe hulle jou laat voel het. Wat hulle was en ook wat hulle nou is. Of dit nou goed of sleg is. Hulle is nie ek nie, dit is duidelik. Wat ek eintlik wil se is dat jy hul elke keer kon vergewe, dat jy kon vergeet en hulle weer kon aanvaar. Hulle weer 'n kans gee. Dit is wat seermaak. Dat ek weet wat gebeur het met jou en julle en dat jy dit kon vergewe en vergeet, maar ek het nie daai kans gehad nie.

Ons kon altyd eerlik en oop met mekaar wees. Ons kon en het soveel gedeel met mekaar. Sjoe ons kon net saam wees en niks doen of praat nie en ons was content. Ons het mekaar verstaan. Ek het gedink ons vriendskap was die 'vir altyd' tipe. Die geen moeite of geen pretensie tipe.

Maar ek weet nou dit was seker nie...

Ek mis dit. Ek mis my vriendin. Ek mis die lag en die huil ook. Ek mis die baklei en stry. Ek mis jou...

Ek wil net ook se dat ek jammer is dat ek nie wou aanvaar nie. Ek wil jammer se dat ek gedink het ons vriendskap kon eerlik wees. Dat ons kon se hoe ons voel en wat pla...ek is jammer dat ons vriendskap nie sterk genoeg was nie.

Daar is soveel wat ek nog wil se en soveel wat ek graag met jou sou wil deel...maar nou ja.

Maybe it was not meant to be...maybe it will get easier...ek hoop jy is gelukkig en suksesvol. Ek hoop jy het die liefde en vrede wat jy verdien..ek bedoel dit - rerig...

Alone/lonely...?

They are not the same...being alone and being lonely.

Today I spent a lazy day in bed reading and the other part of the day with my nephew watching him playing Playstation, trying to master the art of rugby. I can tell you that he is much better playing the real game, on a field, with a team than on a tv screen. But the joy and excitement is stiĺl the same for him. For me on the otherhand...let us just say that I can at least laugh when he is safe on the floor with a remote in his hand.

Today was my first official fasting day and it went well. I did not break my fast. I stuck with it, even though I was tempted. So well done to me, I think.

Tonight I am lonely. Not alone, because I have my wonderful family...

I miss being part of a pair. Being able to snuggle in a warm bed with someone holding me. Falling asleep with someone I can love. You know? Just being someone's. Loved, held, cherised and all that fuzzy little feelings.

Sometimes I wish that someone like that is still out there somewhere for me.

I am lonely tonight...tonight I want to be held...until I fall asleep.