2014 and other things....

I need to blog more often. There is so much emotional things happening in my life at the moment and all I can think about is how I am thankful and fearful at the same time.

I have this amazing sister and mother and a fearless seven year old nephew. The three people in my life that is truly a gift from God. I love them so much and unconditionally. As you know by now I have RA and it is not much fun to have it. It is sore and uncomfortable and it makes me feel half scared and depressed most of the time. For example...it is sometimes too sore to turn my car's key or to get up from a chair. Then comes along my awesome family and they help me up from that chair or help me get in the pool or whatever without batting an eye. No questions asked. I want to say thank you and I love you all....I pray that God will fix me and that He will keep His loving arms wrapped around us.

2014 was a tough year. With our little boy starting school. My Mom going on pension. My sister being unhappy at work and the ex that keep on throwing us with curf balls... but all in all the year is ending on a positive note. Its ending with hope, love and expectation.

I believe 2015 is going to start off great and end even better. Because with God on our side who can be against us!

Im going to go into remission. My family is going to prosper and be happy and successful. We are going to go from strength to strength and we are going to be great, together....

Thank you God!

Long time...

I need to blog more. Because there are a lot of things I need to talk about, but there is no one to listen. People are busy with their lives, and that is how it should be. People have their own worlds that they live in and what is important for the one, is useless to the other.

Summer is here in full bloom. It is lovely to hear the birdsin the mornings, even before the sun showed its new promise of a nice warm day. It is time to shave the legs (hehehehehe) and to dig out the cooler clothes. I believe this season is going to be a new season in my life. Im going to get better. Even though my hands are all skew and disformed. Even though my pain is driving me half mad. I believe my God is going to touch me and heal me!

Here is to believing. To hope. To family...and to be more positive in a new season....

Decleration...

I saw something on facebook today and it got stuck in my head. It is something that can give me hope for a bright and prosperous future. So I thought it will be a good idea to post my own decleration on my blog, so I can come back to it when the going gets a bit tough...

I declare...
- that my faith in Jesus will grow
- that me and my loved ones will be safe and happy
- that unexpected blessings will come our way
- that my body will be healed
- that love will reign over us and that good things will come

There are still a few things that I want to declare, but for now these are the most important ones...

Thank you Jesus for showing me this today.. Thank You for being my Lord and Saviour!

A new week....

What a start to the week. Hectic day at work, headache (for the first time in months) and a family fight. Again the fight was about nothing in particular, sort of like a letting off of steam for three parties involved. A waste of time if you ask me. Such a waste of good family time. Im sure it will be ok in a day or two, or so I hope.

I started with biokinetics about a month ago. They say it will rehab my muscles that are damaged because of the RA. I do feel better.  I dont know if it is just because I had a change of attitude? It could be. Or not. My body still flare up. But it is as if I can cope better with the pain. Funny that when my body feels ok, its as if I 'miss' the pain. Weird I know, but its difficult to explain.

We are leaving for a well deserved holiday at the end of December. Im looking forward to it. Sand, sea and lazy days...Im gonna read and relax and laugh. Thats what holidays are for...yes.

Im tired and I really hope I can sleep tonight. Last night was not a good one, with tummy ache and dreaming about an affair with my boss. Great. It wad scary. It was one of those dreams, for when you wake up. You are real happy that its not real.

Time for pills and bed...over and out...

Hard en sag....

Die lewe is hard en stomp en soms onregverdig. Dit steel van jou en dit ruk en pluk aan jou. Dit maak seer. Dis asof als deesdae 'hard' gaan. Ek het hierdie probleem en dis so stupid, maar dit vul my met hierdie vrees. As ek praat daaroor dan klink dit nog meer simpel. Ek weet nie hoe ek dit gaan oorkom nie, maar ek moet. Dat een so klein dingetjie mens moet regeer verstaan ek nie. Ek moet oor dit kom en begin uitwerk hoe ek dit gaan reg kry. Ek moet. Wat help dit tog om moedeloos te raak en elke keer te tjank daaroor? Jouself siek te bekommer dat dit een dag dalk net nie sal regkom nie. Dat dit nou maar jou voorland is. Wel, dit kan nie. Ek kan dit nie toelaat nie. Al wil my lyf nie. Al is die pyn so oorweldigend. Dat ek in my stil tyd aan niks anders dink nie.

Jesus, gee my asb die krag om dit te oorkom en dat ek sterk genoeg kan word om dit reg te kry? Asb?

Dan is daar die sag en mooi van die lewe. Wanneer mens stil word en dinge van voor af sien. Dis hoe ek deesdae is. Ek kyk met nuwe oe na dinge om my. Praat en babbel baie minder, ek is stil en ek kyk en luister soveel meer. Soos vandag toe ons seuntjie met soveel trots huis toe kom met sy eerste prys vir die beste lente 'dress up'. Daar word breed gelag en hy is gelukkig. Dan is dit die trots wanneer sy mamma vir hom verduidelik hoe goed sy rapport is, aai dis mooi.

Ek wil weer lag oor die sag en mooi in die lewe. Ek wil weer gelukkig wees en deel in ander se geluk. Ek wil ophou hartseer wees. Ek wil gesond word en my vrese aanpak.

Nou moet ek net uit-figure hoe
.....

New season...

When I left home this morning, it was lighter than usual outside and more and more people are either walking or running.  Its good to get to work when the sun is up and the chill in the air is no longer freezing.

Time for a new season...

It promises so much, and its bringing new hope.  Im really looking forward to summer, there are so much I like to do and achieve. Even if it only means I can have less strain on my body! That would be great....

A lot of things changed this winter, now its time to make peace with it and pack away those things.

Stop. Realise. Pray....

Please...

The pain is so constant again. When I sit it's sore. When I get up it's sore. When I walk and stand...

I have this knob under my foot. It's painfull and uncomfortable.

Please God take it away...please?