Decleration...

I saw something on facebook today and it got stuck in my head. It is something that can give me hope for a bright and prosperous future. So I thought it will be a good idea to post my own decleration on my blog, so I can come back to it when the going gets a bit tough...

I declare...
- that my faith in Jesus will grow
- that me and my loved ones will be safe and happy
- that unexpected blessings will come our way
- that my body will be healed
- that love will reign over us and that good things will come

There are still a few things that I want to declare, but for now these are the most important ones...

Thank you Jesus for showing me this today.. Thank You for being my Lord and Saviour!

A new week....

What a start to the week. Hectic day at work, headache (for the first time in months) and a family fight. Again the fight was about nothing in particular, sort of like a letting off of steam for three parties involved. A waste of time if you ask me. Such a waste of good family time. Im sure it will be ok in a day or two, or so I hope.

I started with biokinetics about a month ago. They say it will rehab my muscles that are damaged because of the RA. I do feel better.  I dont know if it is just because I had a change of attitude? It could be. Or not. My body still flare up. But it is as if I can cope better with the pain. Funny that when my body feels ok, its as if I 'miss' the pain. Weird I know, but its difficult to explain.

We are leaving for a well deserved holiday at the end of December. Im looking forward to it. Sand, sea and lazy days...Im gonna read and relax and laugh. Thats what holidays are for...yes.

Im tired and I really hope I can sleep tonight. Last night was not a good one, with tummy ache and dreaming about an affair with my boss. Great. It wad scary. It was one of those dreams, for when you wake up. You are real happy that its not real.

Time for pills and bed...over and out...

Hard en sag....

Die lewe is hard en stomp en soms onregverdig. Dit steel van jou en dit ruk en pluk aan jou. Dit maak seer. Dis asof als deesdae 'hard' gaan. Ek het hierdie probleem en dis so stupid, maar dit vul my met hierdie vrees. As ek praat daaroor dan klink dit nog meer simpel. Ek weet nie hoe ek dit gaan oorkom nie, maar ek moet. Dat een so klein dingetjie mens moet regeer verstaan ek nie. Ek moet oor dit kom en begin uitwerk hoe ek dit gaan reg kry. Ek moet. Wat help dit tog om moedeloos te raak en elke keer te tjank daaroor? Jouself siek te bekommer dat dit een dag dalk net nie sal regkom nie. Dat dit nou maar jou voorland is. Wel, dit kan nie. Ek kan dit nie toelaat nie. Al wil my lyf nie. Al is die pyn so oorweldigend. Dat ek in my stil tyd aan niks anders dink nie.

Jesus, gee my asb die krag om dit te oorkom en dat ek sterk genoeg kan word om dit reg te kry? Asb?

Dan is daar die sag en mooi van die lewe. Wanneer mens stil word en dinge van voor af sien. Dis hoe ek deesdae is. Ek kyk met nuwe oe na dinge om my. Praat en babbel baie minder, ek is stil en ek kyk en luister soveel meer. Soos vandag toe ons seuntjie met soveel trots huis toe kom met sy eerste prys vir die beste lente 'dress up'. Daar word breed gelag en hy is gelukkig. Dan is dit die trots wanneer sy mamma vir hom verduidelik hoe goed sy rapport is, aai dis mooi.

Ek wil weer lag oor die sag en mooi in die lewe. Ek wil weer gelukkig wees en deel in ander se geluk. Ek wil ophou hartseer wees. Ek wil gesond word en my vrese aanpak.

Nou moet ek net uit-figure hoe
.....

New season...

When I left home this morning, it was lighter than usual outside and more and more people are either walking or running.  Its good to get to work when the sun is up and the chill in the air is no longer freezing.

Time for a new season...

It promises so much, and its bringing new hope.  Im really looking forward to summer, there are so much I like to do and achieve. Even if it only means I can have less strain on my body! That would be great....

A lot of things changed this winter, now its time to make peace with it and pack away those things.

Stop. Realise. Pray....

Please...

The pain is so constant again. When I sit it's sore. When I get up it's sore. When I walk and stand...

I have this knob under my foot. It's painfull and uncomfortable.

Please God take it away...please?

Fwd: Positive thoughts...

I woke up this morning and realized again that life is precious.  I have this ability to complain, not out loud, but within myself, as soon as I wake up.  If it is not icy cold, my body is caught up in pain or I'm just too tired for whatever reason.  Well that is stopping today.  I will get up with a positive attitude and I will stop complaining.  And of course I will stop crying because of all these negative things.  I have this pain thing going and I need to make the most of it.  God will heal me when His time is right.  At least I can say that the pain is better with the chemo and other new medication.  For that I am eternally grateful.  God is good all the time.

 

I'm looking forward to summer.  I believe this summer is going to be the start of many changes.  For one thing it will be grand to see the sun rising, and not get to work when it is still half dark outside.  My Mom is officially on pension and that is also going to be a change for all of us.  Our little boy is going to big school in the new year and Ouma can't wait to spend more time with him.  Even when it means that she will be going 'back to school'as well, helping with homework and all the other school things.  She is excited and it is good that she can look forward to this challenge.  She is on holiday in Mosselbaai, and we miss her stacks, can't wait to see her next weekend.  Our 'little boy' is growing up so fast, it is amazing how they are doing sums and spelling already.  That he can write his name and surname, that he can have this debate with you, to inform you with great confidence that a shark is not a 'soogdier' (sorry can't remember the word I'm looking for in English).  He is a gift from our Lord above, a reminder why we are here, why we love and care.  His Mom is the center of his life.  A great Mother.  The way she can play rugby with him, the way she can calm him down when bad dreams wakes him.  I can't ask for a better sister and BFF.  She is great…

 

Work is going well.  Not much excitement really.  I thought it will be more of a challenge, because the business is growing daily, but we are not there yet.  The people I work with is friendly and likeable, except the one girl, a real 'gatkruiper' and pain in the butt.  Im really trying to like her and to keep my issues with her to myself.  But, ja, we will see.  I appointed her, so I need to live with it.  The farm is peaceful, and very little rules apply. 

 

I think that is enough 'babble' for one day…. I'm sure I will have more exciting things to blog about – soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear and hospitals...

So my RA is bad now. Im not sure if it is my depression regarding it or just the pain. Or maybe just both. Im real scared because I must go into hospital for tests....im truly scared.

Jesus, please help me? Please let there be nothing wrong with me other than my RA? Please Father? Jesus please heal me? Only U can fix me...

Amen

Whoever might be reading this blog, please say a prayer for me?