Run away. Hide away. Sleep. Feeling pain, frustration and irritation. On top of all that I am tired most of the time. I am uncomfortable, because I am fat, unfit, unhealthy and unhappy.
The slightest thing can trigger tears, I cry a lot. Believe me not only a lot, but like buckets full of tears that just burst forth and I can’t seem to help myself. I am not feeling self-pity or sorry for myself. I feel all the above mentioned. I wish I could be like my Mother and Sister and not cry. Just go into silent-mode and brew in all the feelings without showing the world how much you actually care, but without all the emotional snot and tears. I am in constant discomfort and pain with this flippen hip. Now I have bedsores or pressure sores that just cause me to feel worse. I can’t take care of them myself, because it is on my bum and I need to ask for help. Again! I hate to feel this useless!! My sister is working herself into a coma, because I am too useless to help her with the smallest of tasks. She is not a robot. She is nobody’s maid and definetly not my servant. I can just imagine how tired she must be. I have been waiting for this operation now for about six months, and in the past half year, she had to do everything. It is as if everything is too much to do for my Mom. It feels like she is just sitting back and waiting for my sister to do even more. I love my Mom to bits, and I will not trade her for anything or anyone on earth, but I worry about her not being active, shying away from responsibility and tasks. She walks around like an old woman, and she is not. She does not talk to people, visit people or let people visit her. If it is not about her grandson, then it is as if she will just stay in bed the whole time.
