Loss...

I hate funerals. I really do...

Today we said goodbye to Nadia. A young lady with so much heart. I never knew her as well as some of the people that attended her funeral, but i still loved her and had hope for her full recovery. But it was not part of God's greater plan. He wanted her to teach us a lesson or two. And she did.

There was so much love for her. So much pain today. My Dad trying to keep it together, but failing. My stepmother trying to be the strong woman, and Anouchka so heartbroken.

Nadia...you will be missed and loved - for ever...

Limbo....

Well...week one of the new year is nearly gone. Going back to work on Monday...back to normal. Sometimes it will be nice just to stay in vacation mode...dont you think?

My half sister passed away this week. She was this bubbly, positive person. A person that had this hope and fight for life. But Jesus had His own plan and she is gone now. Yes i believe she went to a better place. Even though it is hard on the people left behind. It makes me think and know that our life is short and all this negative things in life must stop. But how to stop it and how to make each moment count? How to fix things that are broken?

Sometimes we cant or wont or dont want to. I dont know...

Then an old friend lost her baby today. They tried to fall pregnant for so long and then she had a miscarriage...not nice. I believe she will be ok, because she is another fighter that i know.

I had this fall-out or fight or misunderstanding with my friend, just before Christmas. Its been two weeks now and everything that was said is still hanging...just hanging. I told her how i felt. Not to hurt her or to try and change her. I was honest and i really thought she would try to understand my intentions. Seems i was wrong. I thought we could be honest and open with each other. Then i got told that i decided our friendship was over after our 'discussion' but that is not true. I actually went there to save our relationship before it got to the point where it ended...

So i still dont know where we are at the moment. Its like being in limbo. Do we just forget seven years and move on? Do you just cut off that piece of your life and lock away the memories? Turn love into hate? Think about the what 'ifs'?

All i can say is that my intention was to fix not to destroy.

I had a great time with my family this holiday. We laughed and relaxed. I read two amazing books, they made me laugh and cry. We had fun and i want to thank Jesus for that. We needed this time...

So week one of the new year was bitter sweet, but i believe in my heart that all will be ok. I truly hope and pray it will....