Respect...

My thought for the week reads as follow:

 

“We don’t always have to agree with one another, but it’s important that we learn to respect one another”

 

That made me think…

 

I think that is what is wrong in life in general.  People don’t care how they treat one another, what they say, how they say it and how they react.  I’m also part of the ‘people’, believe me.  No one is perfect, but we can try.  I’m not saying we are  not entitled to our own opinions about things, but why is it so difficult to think before we speak or react?  I believe there are ways and means to give your opinion without hurting people.  It is not your way or no way.  It is not take it or leave it.  It is not stuff the people I am the people.  Guess what?  We can have the best (or think that we do), but what we think are the ‘best’ for us, is not the best for the next person.  It is ok that they have their own ‘the best’, and that I have  my own ‘the best’.  Does that make sense?  For me it does.  It is all about that one little word – RESPECT! 

 

That is why there are so many broken people and relationships out there.  Just because the person next to you don’t like the colour of your car, or that I have the best shoes!  Come on man!  Can we please have some respect for one another?  Can we stop damaging other people’s ‘things’? Can we stop forcing people to like what we like, or else?  Can we all just try a little harder to take the person next to us in consideration?

 

I’m talking to myself as well today.  Today is the day that I will bite back that rude word, that negative thought, that bad opinion.  I will try to stop hurting with words, and I will rather try to find the right words, the right actions.  And if I really can’t find the right way to do it, I will rather keep quiet.

 

I will respect – even if I have to cringe inside….

 

 

 

 

Vir S...

Dis nou al 'n paar maande wat ons nie meer vriende is nie. Snaaks hoe mens die woorde en dinge wat gelei het tot die einde van ons vriendskap, oor en oor in my gedagtes bly. Dit sou beter gewees het as ek net die lelik kan onthou, maar ek doen nie.

Ek onthou meer die goed en dit wat ons gehad het as die sleg.

Vanoggend het ek na 'n preek op die radio geluister en dit het my weer laat dink aan jou. Dit het gegaan oor verhoudings en dat ons nie net altyd seerkry nie, maar ons maak ook seer. Ek dink ons vergeet dit soms. Dit is hoekom ek nou hier sit en blog, want ek kan dit nie vir jou direk vertel nie, nie omdat ek nie die moed het om jou te kontak nie, seker maar omdat ek te veel trots het of dat ek net plain hardegat is of dalk omdat ek bang is om dismiss te word - wie weet?

Ek moes daai dag gese het wat ek het, want dit het my woes gepla. Ek gaan nie nou als herhaal en weer probeer verduidelik hoekom ek dit gedoen het nie. Dis nie die doel nie en dis ook nie die hoekom nie.

Weet jy wat maak seer en wat maak dit so moeilik?

Dat ek weet wat ander mense jou aangedoen het. Hoe hulle jou gebreek het. Hoe hulle jou fisies en emosioneel seergemaak het. Hoe hulle jou laat voel het. Wat hulle was en ook wat hulle nou is. Of dit nou goed of sleg is. Hulle is nie ek nie, dit is duidelik. Wat ek eintlik wil se is dat jy hul elke keer kon vergewe, dat jy kon vergeet en hulle weer kon aanvaar. Hulle weer 'n kans gee. Dit is wat seermaak. Dat ek weet wat gebeur het met jou en julle en dat jy dit kon vergewe en vergeet, maar ek het nie daai kans gehad nie.

Ons kon altyd eerlik en oop met mekaar wees. Ons kon en het soveel gedeel met mekaar. Sjoe ons kon net saam wees en niks doen of praat nie en ons was content. Ons het mekaar verstaan. Ek het gedink ons vriendskap was die 'vir altyd' tipe. Die geen moeite of geen pretensie tipe.

Maar ek weet nou dit was seker nie...

Ek mis dit. Ek mis my vriendin. Ek mis die lag en die huil ook. Ek mis die baklei en stry. Ek mis jou...

Ek wil net ook se dat ek jammer is dat ek nie wou aanvaar nie. Ek wil jammer se dat ek gedink het ons vriendskap kon eerlik wees. Dat ons kon se hoe ons voel en wat pla...ek is jammer dat ons vriendskap nie sterk genoeg was nie.

Daar is soveel wat ek nog wil se en soveel wat ek graag met jou sou wil deel...maar nou ja.

Maybe it was not meant to be...maybe it will get easier...ek hoop jy is gelukkig en suksesvol. Ek hoop jy het die liefde en vrede wat jy verdien..ek bedoel dit - rerig...

Alone/lonely...?

They are not the same...being alone and being lonely.

Today I spent a lazy day in bed reading and the other part of the day with my nephew watching him playing Playstation, trying to master the art of rugby. I can tell you that he is much better playing the real game, on a field, with a team than on a tv screen. But the joy and excitement is stiĺl the same for him. For me on the otherhand...let us just say that I can at least laugh when he is safe on the floor with a remote in his hand.

Today was my first official fasting day and it went well. I did not break my fast. I stuck with it, even though I was tempted. So well done to me, I think.

Tonight I am lonely. Not alone, because I have my wonderful family...

I miss being part of a pair. Being able to snuggle in a warm bed with someone holding me. Falling asleep with someone I can love. You know? Just being someone's. Loved, held, cherised and all that fuzzy little feelings.

Sometimes I wish that someone like that is still out there somewhere for me.

I am lonely tonight...tonight I want to be held...until I fall asleep.

Seasons...

It is 14 May. Yes, it is not winter yet, because technically speaking, winter is only from June, if I am correct? But anyway...it is pouring with rain. Lovely buckets full, or cats and dogs. So that can only mean one thing. After this rain we are in for some very cold days and colder nights.

The season is changing.

My body really don't like this season, because my joints don't like cold weather. I understand the saying about "I feel it in my bones" so much better now. My pain is better, but it is still there every day. I think my mind and body is just coping better with pain. Not sure if this injections are making it better or if it is just mind over matter.

Anyway...

This season allows me to have an excuse to read more. I am hooked on reading again and it is soooo very lekkerrrr. My bookshelve is filling up nicely. And hunting for new reading material is great fun. Something I enjoy doing. Love doing actually.

It helps with the memories, hurt and anger I feel. It is all bottled up inside. I hate this what ifs and maybe if I's. I need to and want to get over it. Soon. I wish emotions and feelings worked with an on and off button. But we are not made that way.

I made a decision. I am starting a new season in my life today. first of all I am starting a 21 day fast (or vast, don't know the spelling). Hopefully after that I would be free of regrets and all the maybe's and what if's. I hope that I will be at ease and have peace with this. That I will have answers and to know what to do.

So here is to a new season. With or without. Only Jesus knows which one it will be. And I leave it in His great Fatherly hands....

Facebook...

I realised again now, how sad Facebook is. What happened to posting fun stuff and what is happening for real? Now all you see is adds about how to make money, how to look younger and death and 'share this post if you...'

I think that is why I post nothing anymore. Because it is plain depressing and stupid. It is like watching the seven o'clock news.






Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Playlist...

"I don't believe in if anymore..." by Roger Whitaker. That is the song stuck on my mind tonight.

I feel a bit sad. A bit worried. A bit nostalgic. A bit negative...and a lot of 'if'...

I have this playlist on my mind. Funny how music can make you wish and hope. Can make you think about all the things you would have done differently in your life if you could do it all over again. The way things could have been today. I know it is wrong to live with those thoughts. Because we must live in the present, the now.

I want to start living. To have purpose. To be excited about things and people. To have dreams and hope and laughter and joy. But it feels like some people and work and life is sucking all those good things out of me.

That brings me to another song on my playlist. "we were not made for an ordinary life, we were made to thrive" by Casting Crowns. I dont think I need to say much about that. The words say it all. I want to thrive. I really do. But how?

I would have loved to be a teacher. Primary school. To see those bright, young people grow. To see honest, open, carefree joy in them. To be excited for the simple things in life.

I want to change. I want to be happy and joyful. And free...it is not fair that life is stealing these things from me.

My playlist is long. I will write more about it later...maybe do a Top 10...

Irritated....

I can't sleep...it is irritating, because I must work tomorrow. First the mosquitos target me and then the heat. I get up to switch on the fan and then it won't work.

It decided to work, but now I am even more awake than half an hour ago.

Here I am blogging about nothing...

So I don't want to blog for hours not knowing what and how to describe how I feel. Maybe bullet points? Ja...

S phoned yesterday.

I am reading a very very good series and I am nearly finished. What can I read next?

I want a holiday...maybe all by myself. To get away and just be alone, because I have been feeling lonely.

I love my family. I really do.

I think about life a lot. How I would have done so many things differently.

I wish I could write.

I want to change. I realy do.

Urgh...I am so freaking irritated.

.......

Books and 'make-believe'...

I'm back to reading like a crazy person...and it feels so good. To loose yourself in a world of 'make believes' and great stories. Stories that drag you into their worlds. Stories that make you laugh out loud and stories that makes you cry.

When you feel the book in your hands and smell it. With each page you turn the story unfolds into something beautiful. A world created by some person that have this awesome talent to string a few thousand words together to make it a story that takes you away on a journey with the characters and this unique, make-believe world.

Every word, sentence, paragraph and page is magical, fairytale-worthy.

You can forget about your worries and fears for a while and just live in someone else's imagination for a bit.

Well I love books...a lot. Can you tell?

Like we used to...

Ive been thinking about you. Its been more than a month since we talked...but it feels longer than that. I sit here and I wonder if I made the right decision to tell you how I felt. Well I still don't know the answer to that. And maybe I will never know...

I hope you are safe and happy. I hope you are feeling better. I hope life is treating you well...

If you were here I would tell you about this awesome series Im reading. I wiĺl tell you that you can read it because you don't have to wait for the other books because all of them are available. You will tell me that you are not really into young adult books anymore, that you are too busy with work. So i will tell you the story anyway.

I will tell you about my family and about our little boy and how good he is at school and athletics and how he is excited about rugby starting again.

I will tell you how my Mom drives me nuts some days and how my Sister is like a superhero at times.

I will make us coffee, no wait...you will make us coffee and we will sit on the stoep and talk for hours...

Like we used to.

Jip...like we used to...

Books and great stories...

I missed reading...

Just finished book 2 of a trilogy, Sweet evil, Sweet peril and now i am looking forward to starting Sweet reckoning. One of the best trilogies i've read in a long time. It takes my mind to a happy place. Stupid that fantasy young adult books can have such a positive effect on someone. Stories that can make me hope more, believe more and dream more...

Like i said..i missed reading and spending an hour or so in a bookshop. I made a date with myself to go to a bookshop once a month and 'losing' myself in there. It feels good to be back. Hehehehe...i love the smell and feel of a book. I can't do the electronic thing. Its not the same, you know.

I sound like the Terminator..."I'll be back".... and i am...

Loss...

I hate funerals. I really do...

Today we said goodbye to Nadia. A young lady with so much heart. I never knew her as well as some of the people that attended her funeral, but i still loved her and had hope for her full recovery. But it was not part of God's greater plan. He wanted her to teach us a lesson or two. And she did.

There was so much love for her. So much pain today. My Dad trying to keep it together, but failing. My stepmother trying to be the strong woman, and Anouchka so heartbroken.

Nadia...you will be missed and loved - for ever...

Limbo....

Well...week one of the new year is nearly gone. Going back to work on Monday...back to normal. Sometimes it will be nice just to stay in vacation mode...dont you think?

My half sister passed away this week. She was this bubbly, positive person. A person that had this hope and fight for life. But Jesus had His own plan and she is gone now. Yes i believe she went to a better place. Even though it is hard on the people left behind. It makes me think and know that our life is short and all this negative things in life must stop. But how to stop it and how to make each moment count? How to fix things that are broken?

Sometimes we cant or wont or dont want to. I dont know...

Then an old friend lost her baby today. They tried to fall pregnant for so long and then she had a miscarriage...not nice. I believe she will be ok, because she is another fighter that i know.

I had this fall-out or fight or misunderstanding with my friend, just before Christmas. Its been two weeks now and everything that was said is still hanging...just hanging. I told her how i felt. Not to hurt her or to try and change her. I was honest and i really thought she would try to understand my intentions. Seems i was wrong. I thought we could be honest and open with each other. Then i got told that i decided our friendship was over after our 'discussion' but that is not true. I actually went there to save our relationship before it got to the point where it ended...

So i still dont know where we are at the moment. Its like being in limbo. Do we just forget seven years and move on? Do you just cut off that piece of your life and lock away the memories? Turn love into hate? Think about the what 'ifs'?

All i can say is that my intention was to fix not to destroy.

I had a great time with my family this holiday. We laughed and relaxed. I read two amazing books, they made me laugh and cry. We had fun and i want to thank Jesus for that. We needed this time...

So week one of the new year was bitter sweet, but i believe in my heart that all will be ok. I truly hope and pray it will....